I am at my favourite coffee place. I’m listening to music, writing, I am very comfortable.
Aaand the couple next to me starts kissing like they want to eat each other. God! I hate this extreme PDA. Like they are fourteen (they must be 22-ish). Get a room, really.
I hate when people make out at a place like this, like there were no other people around. It feels so desperate because it looks like they have no other place to go. Well boo-hoo. Why do I have to look at it, or why do I have to look the other way if I don't want to look at it.
I know what you're thinking - that I am secretely envious because I don't have what they have. Well, no, I am really not. Really. I learned a long time ago to face my secret emotions and feelings in denial (Daniel Radcliffe, a kitchen counter about twelve or thirteen years ago, anybody?).
No, what I really feel when I see a situation like this - is a relief.
For decades I had been conditioned and taught that this is the norm - couples. That you either have a partner or you are looking for one. So I had. And it was all painful, unsuccessful, uncomfortable, just not for me, but I didn't realized it, and I didn't know it could be any other way, so I went on with it and suffered.
And then some time ago, not long ago, it somehow came to me. That I can just be single and happy. That I don't have to be in a couple and I don't have to look for a partner. That realization has been one of the most empowering and relieving things in my life. Ever.
It's still pretty fresh and that's why I experiece such strong relief everytime I look at peoople like this. What quickly goes through my mind is: oh gosh, a couple, I have to be in one, too, even though it doesn't feel right to me. Wait, I don't have to. Omg, I don't have to.. omg! And all the discomfort, or more like dread is replaced by relief.
From time to time I still experience the dread, because the social norms go very deep down my structures. But with every new shower of relief it gets easier, like I am slowly washing it away and off.